Golf Really Is A Simple Game By Tom Olkowski, Ph.D. MTT Contributing Writer At one point in the movie of Bull Durham, a veteran catcher, Kevin Costner, tries to help rookie pitcher Tim Robbins to understand the nature of baseball by pointing out that, "It's really a very simple game. You throw the ball. You hit the ball. You catch the ball." In many ways the very same could be said about golf. Golf is basically a very simple game. You tee up the ball. You hit the ball. You walk after the ball, sometimes you have to search for the ball, hopefully you find the ball, and then you hit the ball again. Repeat this identical procedure over and over again until the ball goes into the hole 18 times. It is that simple. Well, to be honest, there are a few highly guarded secrets, which I am about to share, to making the game that simple. And I guarantee that if you can keep them in mind as you play, you may never have to take another golf lesson in your life. To get started, just scan your memory bank and dredge up that age-old knee-slapper we've all heard a few too many times, "The only thing wrong with my game is that I stand too close to the ball after I hit it." In golf vernacular that translates into the first principal of making golf a simple game, which is to hit the ball far. Just grip it and rip it. Hit the snot out of it. Or, as a more recent Kevin Costner character said, "Stand back and let the big dog eat." See how simple. Just hit it long, unless, of course, you happen to fly an approach shot 30 yards over the green, blade a wedge out of a bunker and through a condominium window, or roll your putt 8 feet past the cup and then leave yourself a 90 mile per hour downhill right to left breaker coming back. Rule number two is another simple principal: hit the ball straight. Just pretend you've never heard the terms; slice, hook, fade and draw. And most important, never, under any circumstances, watch a televised tournament when Chi Chi Ridriquez is playing. Chi Chi has never hit a ball straight in his life. Another equally important tenet to successful golf is to always hit the ball where the grass grows shortest. This simply means that you should never hit your ball into knee-high weeds, heavy foliage, forests, ponds or streams, adjoining roadways, neighboring backyards (even if they are well-mowed), or the club house parking lot. I would also suggest that you ignore Ken Venturi whenever he says, "You know, Jimmy, I think his best bet here would be to put his shot in that right front bunker." A similarly valuable key to low scores actually comes to us from bowling, which is perhaps the simplest game ever devised. Here, you pick up the ball. You try not to drop the ball on your foot, and you roll the ball. If you repeat this procedure correctly a mere twelve times in a row, you have achieved the perfect game. When adapted to golf, this guideline may be the most vital of all &endash; hit the ball as few times as necessary. For most golf courses this means 72 times or less, while attaining perfection (which Dr. Bob Rotella tells us is impossible) simply requires 18 miraculous shots, only six more than in the perfect game of bowling. And since we are all aware of the ever-increasing importance of golf psychology, rule number five is to think only good thoughts as you hit the ball. Simply visualize exactly where you want your ball to go. Keep your swing thoughts positive and simple. And, for heaven's sake, don't even think about the pond in front of the green, the trees on the right, or those out-of-bounds markers on the left. And give up on your fantasy that you are the only person on the golf course that the attractive young lady driving the beverage cart is smiling at. Finally, the last and easiest rule for golf success is to always hit the ball to the best of your ability. Play the way you know how without trying to emulate this month's leading money winner on tour. Play it safe when the situation dictates. Play smart and lay up when necessary. Keep the ball in play rather than getting yourself in trouble by trying to hit a once in a lifetime shot. And always be sure to have fun. Follow these six simple rules, and I absolutely guarantee that you will improve your performance and your enjoyment of the game forever. See, I told you that golf is a simple game. Tom Olkowski, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Denver, who has had more than his share of practice at laughing his way through rounds of golf.